OK, this fanfic is set as the premiere of series 6. Ross doesn't know exactly how Monica and Chandler got together, but apart from that, the history is the same. NB: I wrote the first few scenes before I saw the real episode so any likeness to the real thing is purely coincidental or just pyschic on my part! ;-) I apologise for the lack of Joey and Phoebe, but these two are very hard to write for!
The One After Ross Says Rachel Again
[Scene: Ro's bedroom. Ro and Rach are lying on the same bed, but on top of the covers, and fully dressed!]
Ro: Oh man! My head is killing me!
R: Yeah; what happened last night? I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster twelve times after having eaten thirty-two hotdogs!
Ro: Yeah, but I don't suppose we did. Otherwise you would have bought one of those hats that you always get at funfairs! But I have no clue what actually happened. (Sees all the bottles.) Oh! My guess is - Oooooh! (Rushes to throw up in the bathroom. Rachel gets an aspirin. Chandler and Monica enter. Ad lib Hellos)
R: Oh, happy anniversary for, yesterday!
M: (Cuddling Chandler) Thanks, but, well, we almost didn't last.
C: Yeah, but Monica told me to get a grip - and I did!
R: Really?
M: Yeah, and Chandler thought it would be a great idea if we got married!
R: Oh my God! I would have gone out with you if that's what 'getting a grip' means to you! I can't believe you got married! That's great!
C: But we decided against it.
R: Oh, why?
M: Seeing another couple made us reconsider.
R: Oh. Well, are you still going to get married sometime?
C: Rachel, do you remember ANYTHING about last night?
R: Ummm, not really. Oh, I do remember me and Ross walking around, trying to find you guys, and you weren't anywhere. And also.. no, that's all I remember.
C: Don't you remember seeing rice or wedding bells or a chapel?.
R: Wait a minute, you just said you DIDN'T get married, and if you did, then I certainly wasn't there! What are you trying to do to my head?
M: No Rach, it was the other way round!
R: What?
C: Well, ummm, we were watching, and we watched the marriage of Ross...
R: OH MY GAHD!!!
M: ...and YOU!
R: Noooo!
Opening Credits
[Scene: P and J enter the room. Ad Lib Hellos.]
J: So what happened? You left a message for us at reception. Is everything OK?
R: No!
M: (Seeing Joey's enquiring look) Well, me and Chandler were gonna get married, (Phoebe and Joey react with an 'oh my god' or 'wow, that's great') but when we were waiting for the service to finish, Ross and Rachel burst out the doors, completely drunk, having just got married!
P: Oh my God!! So, does Ross know?
R: No, I don't think so. D'you think I should tell him?
M: Yeah, definitely. Take this piece of advice from your sister-in-law. (They all laugh. Ross enters)
Ro: Aww man, Rach, you do NOT want to go in there! Wow, where'd you guys come from?
M: We just came. Nice whiskers by the way.
Ro: What?
M: You really should sort out that amnesia, I mean, you could be, I dunno, married and not know you were. (All laugh)
Ro: What?
R: C'mon guys!
C: Yeah, that is soooo true!
Ro: What is?
C: That we should c'mon guys. Let's go, Mon.
M: OK!
(They leave)
P: Yes, I've just remembered, that I've left ALL my money downstairs. See ya!
(She leaves. Awkward pause.)
J: I gotta go pee!
(He goes to the bathroom. Ross looks in the mirror.)
Ro: Eh? (He touches his face and tries to rub the doodles off. It doesn't work.) Hey Rach, how did I get these doodles on my face?
R: Ah, the age old question of life itself. You should be more worried about what we did last night! (They both straighten when they realise what she said) Uh, ahem, don't you remember? I think we got tired of the room, and then I drew on you.
Ro: Oh yeah! Because of the beard and mustache thing. And then we went downstairs to find the others and we couldn't find the others, and then we took a bus to nowhere in particular and stopped in a... (He realizes) Oh my God!!! Ohhhh my Goooooddddd!!!! Does everyone know?
R: Uh, yeah. After that we crashed into a television studio and announced live on air that we got married, so yeah, everyone knows. And the worst part is that we stopped Monica and Chandler getting married!
Ro: (Calming down) They were going to get married? Isn't it a bit soon? I can't believe Chandler agreed to it!
R: It's not THAT soon. They have known each other for almost as long as we have, and we're married! Anyway, it was Chandler's idea!
Ro: Wow, I never knew he loved my sister so much. (Pause) Hey, I'm gonna be divorced three times now!
R: Yes, I suppose we have to get a divorce... don't we?
(They stare at each other for a long time. Joey enters.)
J: Finished! (Sees them) Actually, I have to go some more. Maybe I'll go in Phoebe's room. That's only three floors up! (Exits)
[Scene: Bar, P and J are talking]
P: This whole Ross and Rachel stuff is pretty intense, huh?
J: Hey, Ross'll have been divorced three times now!
P: I suppose they'll have to get a divorce, won't they? (They both stop, and get a sense of deja vu)
[Cut back to Ro's room, where they are still staring at each other]
[Scene: M & C's room. Both sitting on the bed]
C: Well that pretty much sucked.
M: I know! I mean it would have been great to get married before Ross, JUST to prove my mother wrong! (Shouting upwards) See! I CAN get married. HA!
C: Look, I know it's not last night, and the roll of the dice doesn't "count" anymore, but we could still get married.
M: But last night we were so drunk, I mean we were just so drunk! Chandler, you know me. A Vegas wedding isn't my idea of a proper wedding. A proper wedding has flowers and cakes and Churches and a wedding dress. Not Elvis, 5 dollars, and a bumper sticker that says 'I got married in Vegas - get yours today, and get a complimentary steak at Caesar's'
C: I should get that bumper sticker anyway! But what else would your ideal wedding have?
M: Let's see... bridesmaids, candles, musicians, uh guests, obviously, and.. a perfect groom.
C: ie.. me?
M: (smiles) ie you. Ooh, and salmon!! We can have salmon!
C: Of course! (Long pause) How about we have salmon sometime this August?
M: Wow! You really plan your meals ahead of time!
C: I, uh, bu... never mind. (He leaves the room)
[Scene: Ro's room - Rachel is still there.]
Ro: Yeah, we do have to get a divorce
R: Look, Ross, I just don't wanna put you through yet another divorce so soon after the last one.
Ro: Why do you care so much?
R: I don't care! If anyone's caring too much it's you!
Ro: Nuh-uh!
(They both laugh)
R: That's OK. We'll call it evens.
Ro: But seriously, how on earth is this going to work? Either we stay marryed, and (mimics her) 'don't put me through another divorce', or we just get a divorce, corrupt my life, and are free to date other people. Which one would you rather have?
R: The second! Uh, the second! Of course we have to get divorced, what am I saying? (She laughs)
Ro: (Quietly) Thanks I really appreciate this. Hey we gotta pack!
R: Oh yeah!
(Chandler enters)
C: Hey you guys.
(Adlib hellos)
R: I'm gonna go pack, I'll meet you guys in the lobby at 12:30, ok?
Ro: OK. (Rachel leaves) We're getting a divorce.
C: And you're OK with this?
Ro: Sure. Why wouldn't I be OK with it?
C: Well, just last year you said her name at your wedding, and now you've said her name again, so out of your three weddings, you've said Rachels name at two of them. Yeah, I think, I THINK, you might just love her!
Ro: What?
C: Denial, denial. Why is it so difficult to accept? Why do you feel guilty for being in love with Rachel?
Ro: I don't. It's just...
C: ... you're scared to admit your feelings because Rachel might find out, and she may not feel the same way. And then you're going to feel embarrassed because you've bared your fragile ego to love, and love slapped you in the face!
Ro: You're good! But... no.
(Chandler sighs)
[Scene: In the casino. P sits down at Blackjack. J enters.]
J: Aw, I hate this job! A drunk guy thought I was one of those Vegas freaks and started telling me to go or he would call the cops!
P: Poor bunny!
J: And then his wife started butting in and SOMEHOW got ME arrested!
P: Oh no! Hey, d'you wanna play Blackjack?
J: Yeah, OK. (They go to the table)
Dealer: Place your bet. (Phoebe puts down $10. Dealer deals cards.)
P: Hit me. Ooh, blackjack!
J: Way to go Pheebs!
Dealer: D'you wanna play again?
P: OK! Wait, I'll bet $15 this time. (Dealer deals) Hit me!
Dealer: 20 beats 17!
P: I win again! Ooh, check my horoscope in case it's my lucky day!
[Scene: M & C's room. Mon is packing. Rach enters.]
M: Did you borrow my little black shoes?
R: (Unconvincingly) Um, no?
M: Rachel! Well just give them to me tonight then. So, how'd things go with Ross?
R: Well, we decided that we should get a divorce, or at least, he forced me into it. I don't know, just for like a millisecond, I wished that we could stay married!
M: Really? Listen, Rach, are you sure you're over Ross? You haven't seemed to 'get over' him since his wedding!
R: I think I'm over him. It's just that it's so soon after Emily, I don't know what it would do to him.
M: Well, I'd say it would lower him in my Mum's favour (In her head: Hey, what am I doing? Monica, tell her to divorce him, divorce him NOW!! But, realistically, Mon. She'll probably find a way of blaming it on you too!) but you really should think about YOURSELF. Look, I love my brother, but this isn't about him. What's this doing to you?
R: I, I don't know. Like, a week ago, I was finally thinking that Ross was not ROSS anymore but just my friend Ross. It was almost as if we'd never had a relationship. But now, it's like I have no idea what's happening to me anymore!
M: I think I can tell you what's happening. You love him.
R: I do not.
M: Yes you do. Just admit it. You can't imagine how aggravating it is to believe something, and not have the other person believe it too!
R: Woah, Mon. You lost me!
M: OK, I believe that you never stopped loving Ross. But you don't. And you are forgetting that I'm ALWAYS RIGHT!
[Scene: Blackjack table. P's on a winning streak.]
P: Won again! So how much do I have now, official money person?
J: Um, $3620!
P: So, official co-decision maker, what shall I bet next?
J: $100!
P: (Thinks) $100! Well that's quite a good number, yeah let's try it!
Dealer: 12! (Phoebe considers)
P: Hit me!
Dealer: It's a nine! 21! Again! Congratulations!
P: Ooh, thank you trusty dealer. Hey Joey, I have a GREAT idea!
J: What is it?
P: If I continue on this lucky streak, how about I lend you the money to get your movie going again?
J: Oh my god, Pheebs - would you do that?
P: Sure, it's for my favourite friend!
J: Aww!
[Scene: Ro's bedroom. C and Ro are just sitting there]
Ro: Y'know, I just think it'd be so much simpler if Rachel and I just stayed married. Imagine how it would look on my record - three divorces, and I'm only thirty! The government must think I'm such a loser.
C: You're not a loser, you just marry the types of people who have a problem with you - being - a man, or with you saying your ex-girlfriend's name at the alter.
Ro: Basically, I'm a loser.
C: Well I was just going for misfortunate.
Ro: Thanks man.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Blackjack table. P is surrounded with chips (the plastic kind).]
J: OK, your total winnings amount to... (Gets a 365/13 look on his face. Gives up and pulls out a calculator) ...$12540!!
P: Ooh! Hey, is that enough money to start your movie up?
J: Should be enough to start with if we have a very tight budget.
P: OK, take it! (Gives him all the chips)
J: What all of it? Are you sure you don't wanna keep some?
P: No, I have more than enough! And it's basically just plastic, which doesn't pay well!! I mean plastic is worth much less than, say, gold or platinum!
J: OK, whatever, Pheebs. I'll try and repay you every cent anyway. Of half the money. I gotta go make a movie! Bye! See you back home! (They hug)
P: Bye Joey! (To herself) How he's gonna convince the guy to start up the movie with plastic chips, I'll never know!
[Scene: Ro and C are in Ro's room.]
Ro: OK Chandler, I admit it.
C: Admit what?
Ro: You're right.
[Scene: M & C's room. Rachel and Monica are still there.]
R: OK Mon, you're right. I admit it.
M: You admit what?
[Cut to a split screen, so both their faces are visible.]
(Simultaneously)
Ro: I'm in love with Rachel
R: I'm in love with Ross
[Cut to Mon]
M: You're in love with WHAT?!
R: (Slowly and clearly) ROSS!
M: I knew it! But I hate to say, I don't think he feels the same way.
R: What? He married me! Of course he loves me!
M: How can you be so narrow-minded? You just assume that because he married you that he's in love with you?
R: (Thinks) Yeah. I'm gonna go tell him that I love him. (Starts for the door)
M: You can't tell him that! (Shouting down the corridoor because Rachel has left the room) HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!! (Pause) Wait for me! (She runs out the door)
[Scene: Ro's room. He and C are still there]
C: Woah! Do do actually love her? I was just kidding!
Ro: Hey! Yeah, I do. I mean, how can two people with this much history NOT still have feelings for each other?
C: I have no answer for that.
Ro: You're the one with the girlfriend. You're supposed to help me!
C: Hey, I think you helped me with that - it was because of your marriage to Emily that we even got together!
Ro: What?! How did that help?
C: (Realising what he said) Well, I don't really want to get into it
Ro: What has my marriage got to do with you getting together with my sister. You didn't get together until much later.
(Chandler looks awkward. Monica and Rachel enter)
Ro: Monica, what happened between you and Chandler at my wedding? I thought you got together much later.
M: Uh... (she looks at Chandler for help who just shrugs) Well, don't uh take this the wrong way, but at your wedding we kinda got together. (Ross looks shocked, but before he can speak Monica continues) We know it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but.. we were both really miserable.
C: And drunk! So, the next day we decided it was just a really stupid thing to do, and we said we wouldn't do it back home... but that didn't work out.
Ro: (To Chandler) What, so when I most needed help sorting out my marriage, you wouldn't know what happened because you were doing it with my sister?
C: Hey hey! Not just 'doing it' with her. (To Mon) Doing it seven times! (They both laugh, but Ross does not look happy. When Chandler finishes the jokes he looks up at Ross and does the classic Perry 'pinched-face' look) What's up man?
Ro I can't believe you two! And that's what your relationship is based on? Stupid drunken heat?
C: We were friends for like eight years before and it's different now. I love her.
R: (To Ross) Yeah, and the only reason you and I got together was because of stupid drunken heat! Don't knock it! If I hadn't left that message on your answerphone, you'd still be wishing that you were with me!
Ro: At least we wouldn't have broken up! (Pause) You don't think I would have got you by now?
(Phoebe enters)
R: No way!
P: Whatcha doing?
C: Well, Ross and Rachel are having the classic 'love' argument.
Ro/R: What?
P: Oh, so basically, Rachel is refusing to admit she's wrong, and then flinging back every little thing Ross ever did wrong?
M: Pretty much.
R: We are not having 'the classic love argument'!
P: Yeah you are, 'cos I just walked in, and that was what I first thought.
R: We are just simply discussing issues in a calm and civilised and not at all loving way.
P: Well, it sounded like love to me.
Ro: (Very unsure) No, it just sounded like an argument because I, I-I am NOT in love with Rachel!
R: (Unconvincing) And I'm not in love with Ross, Phoebe. God, what were you thinking?
Ro: Yeah!
P: OK. (She turns away, pretending to cry) Fine. I just can't understand why you two... (starts to cry in an uncontrolable, but fake, way. We can't hear what she is saying.)
R: Aw, Pheebs, don't worry, we're still such good friends, the group isn't gonna be split apart by our arguing.
Ro: Yeah, we've both grown so much, and we still care about each other, it's just we might not necessarily be IN love.
P: Uh-huh. (She is still whimpering a bit) Ross, what's the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
Ro: OK, when you love someone you have strong feelings for them, but not necessarily in a relationshippy way. Like I love Monica.
M: Aw, thanks bro. I think. (She shivers)
Ro: ... and when you're IN love with someone it's in that sort of relationshippy way.
P: But can you deny the fact that for both of you, all the relationships you've had since you broke up have been affected by each other.
Ro: What is this, a talk show? And I thought you were really upset!
(Phoebe bursts into tears. Real tears. She's probably one of those people who can cry on cue!)
C: And here come the waterworks!
M: That the best you could come up with?
C: Eh, I'm tired! Hold on... oh great, Pheebs is leaking!
M: You've done that one, and no! Let's go Chan, and let these two sort their troubles out. (Suggestively) And we can sort our troubles out as well!
P: I'll help you sort your troubles out as well!
C: Uh, Pheebs are you sure you wanna come? We are gonna go pack and it'll get really boring and...
P: Uh, no! I'm having a conversation with these two if you don't mind!
C: (Quickly) OK, great!
(Monica and Chandler leave very quickly to their room)
P: I'm so glad they're outta here. Now we can talk properly!
R: What?
P: I mean, now we can organise their anniversary gift!
[Scene: M & C's room. M & C enter to find Joey there surrounded by the plastic chips, pigging out on food]
C: Uh... (He goes back out the door and checks the room number) What are you doing in our room Joey?
J: Eating. And being depressed. All Phoebe's money wasn't even enough to get the movie going. I'm so sick of this acting thing! Maybe I should just quit the whole thing.
M: Joey, just hang in there. Your turn will come.
J: No, it won't. I've wasted my entire life doing something I'm not that good at, but now I have nothing to start a proper career.
C: You have Dr. Drake Ramorray on your resume. That must count for something?
J: Well, yeah, but I think I need to improve my scholastic skills. And y'know how I'm gonna do that?
C: Read a book?
J: No! Go back to school. I'm mean for most of High School I was having fun. But now the fun has been had, I'm tired. So I'll go back to school, learn something, and get a proper job!
M: That may be the most sensible thing you have ever said.
J: What do you guys think about Martial Arts as a career?
C: (To Monica) He had to spoil it!
J: See you guys later, I'm gonna go think. (He puts on a thoughtful face, and walks out the door in a stately fashion.)
(There is a pause)
M: MARTIAL ARTS!!! (They both collapse in hysterics. When they are done, they lean against one another.)
C: I'll be so glad to get back home.
M: Me too. Whenever we go away something crazy happens. (They smile)
C: Ooh, I can't wait to give you your present!
M: Me neither!
C: I mean, I can't wait to buy your present!
M: Huh! You haven't bought it yet?
C: Yes and no, well mostly no actually. I pretended to forget it, so I could have extra time to find you a present. I'm sorry, do you forgive me?
M: Yes, but now you owe me two presents!
C: (Long pause, then in a quiet voice) How would you like a diamond ring as one of them?
M: Well, I'd prefer a necklace or some earrings, but try Phoebe with the ring. Do you know how heavy her hands are? She wear about fifteen rings at a time!
C: (To himself) Oh my God!
[Scene: Ro's room. Ro, R and P are there. NB: When P leaves there is a very awkward feel between R & R until the dinosaur watch bit.]
P: So that's how you get Hamburgers. And you wonder why I'm a vegetarian!
(Ross and Rachel both have disgusted looks on their faces)
R: Well, I don't wonder anymore, thanks to you!
Ro: Yeah, thanks for the details, Pheebs.
P: Always a pleasure to pass information on. I feel it's my duty. And if you'll excuse me, I have to warn a handsome young gentleman about a disastrous career move!
(She exits)
Ro: So, it's just us again.
R: Yeah, alone to talk at last. What shall we talk about? Um, we have to talk about something!
Ro: Dinosaurs?
R: (Not enthusiastic, just desperate to talk about something other than them) OK!!! Wait, I don't know anything about dinosaurs.
Ro: OK, um, OK I'll start -Rach what is your favourite type of dinosaur?
R: Uh, my favourite is the T-Rex.
Ro: And why is that?
R: Because it's so big and strong, and, and masculine. What's your favourite?
Ro: I like Diplodocus because she's smooth, sexy, sophisticated, and beautiful. And I have a cool watch, check it out. (He shows her his watch)
R: That's some watch! It really shows off the great arm!
Ro: Yeah, and the eyes that are looking at the watch have to be pretty good as well, y'know to look at the watch without getting blinded. And with the eyes come the face, so the face must be pretty hot!
R: Sure! (She smiles, and gazes into Ross' eyes) But the eyes that are looking at the watch that are being looked at by these eyes must be attached to a good looking face, otherwise the eyes would look rather strange. And also the body, must be good! Because it's d.. d.. d.. huh!
(Author's note: I know this bit does not make much sense, but they are speaking in love code!)
Ro: The body's good? The body that's attached to the face that has the wonderful eyes must be good as well. I mean, to fit in with everything. And stuff.
(That's right, you guessed it, they move into kiss, but stop when they are about an inch from each other. They don't pull back, but stay an inch from each other for most of this scene.)
R: Ross, Monica tried to stop me from telling you, but soon agreed it was a good idea, and so I'm gonna have to tell you something.
Ro: Don't tell me something bad, I may just have a nervous breakdown!
R: No it's sort of good. Um, lately, well, recently, I've discovered that you are my friend.
Ro: Keen observation.
R: OK, yeah, but you are my friend, right? I know we do not want to bring this up, but when we broke up, I thought I would never ever forgive you - ever. But as things turned out, I sorta did. Much quicker than an eternity, which is what I expected. And the point is, you are my friend. I have no idea how we could be friends and be apart, because the reason we split up was because I felt betrayed and hurt by a friend.
Ro I really didn't follow that. The thing is, you really messed me up! And if we did get involved, which would be so WOW, everyone else would be so disapproving, saying it would mess me up, and I don't want to give myself hope. But I can't help it. I think I - I love you. So go on, laugh at me.
R: You think you love ME? I think I love YOU! Is this good news, or shall we treat it as indifferent?
(OK, I couldn't wait any longer. They kiss, but keep it short and sweet. Remember they have been about an inch close for a long time!)
Ro: Eh, indifferent! (They both laugh) This almost makes up for the whole three divorces thing! Monica will be so judgemental, though!
R: That she will be!
Ro: I know, she even told me, 'Ross forget her, get over her. Pick yourself up off the floor, and find a new girl to fall in love with.'
R: Oh. Maybe we shouldn't tell her. I mean, if they're gonna be all judgemental. And we can't really tell the others, 'cos they'll tell Mon.
Ro: And besides, it might be kind of fun. (Rachel glares at him) Or not. So...
R: So. Let's keep it a secret. (Deja vu! Hey, give me a break, it's one in the morning!)
Ro: What, so you've just assumed that we're gonna get back together? Maybe I want to move on!
(Rachel kisses him)
Ro: Maybe not! But before we do anything, we need to talk a bit about what happened between us.
R: I know, I know. OK, I'm s...
Ro: (Glancing at his watch) Damn! Our flight leaves in an hour! (They break away, and begin to pack very fast, ie just throwing things in bags)
[Scene: M & C's room. They are ready and packed.]
M: See! It pays to be organised! I wonder how Ross and Rachel are doing. Not meaning to sound bitchy, but I think they do each other more wrong when they are together.
C: What?
M: Don't tell Ross, it's just their relationship is too complicated for them to get involved.
C: No, but...
M: The trouble is I didn't stop her from telling Ross! OK, maybe that was a bit of a stupid thing to do... OK a lot of a stupid thing to do.. I gotta go warn Rachel!
(She runs out the door)
C: Wait Mon! Ross told me he loves Rachel! They both love each other! You can't hear me! (He sit on the bed and sighs)
[Scene: Ross' room. R & R are packing like mad. M enters.]
M: (Very out of breath) Rach, Rach, uh, can't breathe, could you just wait while I catch my breath?
R: Sure.
M: OK, I'm done. You know that thing we discussed? (Ross pretends not to listen) Did you happen to mention it?
R: (Seriously) No, no I didn't. I didn't think it was a good idea!
M: Oh. Well, OK. Fine. You sure?
R: Yeah, I'm sure. It was a bad idea in the first place.
M: Yeah! Hold on, it was my idea!
R: OK, Mon, whatever, we gotta pack! (She shoves Monica out of the room)
M: (Outside the room) OK, yeah I should really take off. By the way, shoes should go at the bottom of the suitcase!
[Scene: Back in Mon and Chan's room. M enters]
M: She didn't tell him.
C: Why not?
M: She said it was a bad idea! I never come up with bad ideas!
C: Of course it wasn't a bad idea! You know why?
M: Because I'm just so special?
C: Well, that as well, of course! But also, Ross just told me he was still in love with her!!
M: What? Ah, so it was a good idea, and I was right, I WAS RIGHT!!!.
C: Mon, you were the one who wanted to stop her, OK, and I'm not the one who doubted you!
M: You're right. I'm sorry. But I was still right!
C: Why don't we go downstairs and see if anyone else is down there?
[Scene: Down in the lobby. Ph and J are waiting for the others]
P: See, martial arts is not the way to go. Although it would be kind of fun to wrestle with you.
J: Wow, Pheebs, you wrestle?
P: There's so much you don't know!
(Mon and Chan enter)
P: Hey guys!
M: Ross and Rachel will probably be down soon. When I saw them they were throwing things in bags, so they should be down about... now!
(nothing happens)
M: That's weird!
(Ross and Rachel come rushing in)
R: Sorry we're late - did we keep you waiting?
M: (unhappily) You were 5 seconds late to my maths being MENSA level.
Ro: (To Rach) That must have been the extra ki.. (realises everyone is listening) shoe! Yeah, we found a shoe that had to go at the bottom so we had to unpack and start again.
C: And you managed that in 5 seconds?
J: OK, guys, can we just go?
(They go out into the parking lot, and Joey leads them to where the car should be. There is a space)
P: Oh no! (The patented version)
C: Where's the cab Joe?
J: Uh-oh! Guys, don't be mad, but I said that this guy could use it to drive his sick grandma home, and he hasn't returned it.
Ro: Joey, we all needed to get home in that cab - are you telling us we can't get home?
P: And are you telling us you let my Grandmother's cab get stolen?
J: It wasn't stolen! It was... oh.
P: Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani, you're gonna need some martial arts training to defend yourself from me! (She chases him around the car park and he runs for it)
Ending Credits
[Scene: M, C, R, and Ro are in togas and gladiator outfits in Caesars serving people.]
THE END