Rachel: Maybe we should get a divorce lawyer?
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this one’s free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third one’s free!
Joey: (misunderstanding some 'great news') You're pregnant!
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o!
Rachel: Ugh, the worst day! Y’know, you think you’re making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Ross: I-I-I don’t even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y’know what? I’m just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.
Chandler: That’s the way I did it ‘til I was 19.
Joey: Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Chandler: Oh Joey’s got a really bad hernia, but that’s nothing a little laser eye surgery won’t fix!
Rachel: Ross didn’t get the annulment; we are still married!
Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you’re not married to anymore of us are ya?
Ross describes the computer of the future.
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open!
Chandler: Hi, my name’s Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?
Chandler has just had a whole day of making flower sachets with Monica.
Chandler: I feel like I’ve really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think we’re two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. We’re knitting pot holders!
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine!
Ross’s apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if... Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
Chandler compliments Monica's mum's sweater.
Chandler: Oh, yes. Well it’s very beautiful. It’s cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I don’t mean tight, I mean it’s not too tight, not that I was looking at - [giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
Monica: You bought a boat?
Jill: Oh, it was for a friend.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister!
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I’d probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my job’s fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I don’t have to wear a tie
Joey: (crying) You didn’t cry when Bambi’s mother died?
Chandler: Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!
